weekend blues~!

salam..

hari ni rse down sgt2..

feeling blue..urghhh..

sedih sedih..

sorg2,xtau nk bt ap..

really feel like going out, but got no one to accompany..

such an awkward feeling go out alone..

sunyinye..

ya ALLAH...

tgk movie sorg2..

i really need a soulmate..

an other half..

to complete me..

console n pamper me..

friends???

they will appear once they need me..

i do have a family..

sisters n brothers, they r busy with their own life..

parents who are busy with their grandchildren..

so who is going to listen to me???

of course ALLAH always listen..

HE never fails..

but i still need a person...

a hubby perhaps..

T_T

i'm so damn exhausted..

tired with this..

need to rest..

a vacation..

me+tersayang..

huhuh..

i hate being alone..

left alone..

lonely..

i really want to go out!!!

d departure of MAS airlines...

salam..

skrg musim jemaah haji berangkat ke tanah suci..

penerbangan awal salu pg ke Madinah Al Munawarrah..bandar bercahaya..

itu yg abah pnh bgtau sy..

since last year,(if i'm not mistaken)..

Sultan Mahmud international airport dh ready utk penerbangan haji terus ke tanah suci..

(Jeddah or Madinah)..

MAS Airlines semestinya..

jd since last week omma dh beriya2 ajak sy pg tgk aeroplane MAS yg besar itu (boeing bp sy xtau)..

mmg crowded sepanjang2 fences tu..

org ganu excited tgk aeroplane beso..

one of d reasons y i feel so blessed to be a Terengganuvian..

we, Terengganuvians esp from Kuala Terengganu, can witness the departure or arrival of aeroplane (usually domestic) right before our eyes...

we r so lucky then..

most of d the kids love to watch that too..

and i'm one of them..

(yeah, i'm still a kid which trapped in a 21 years old woman's body ;p )..

hehehe..

d feeling is so damn good..

i feel great..

(just tgk aeroplane fly,bkn sy pn yg fly..i'm exaggerating..hahah)

back to d story,

mom n i went there almost every evening (last week)..

mummy said tht, d giant Bird will be took off by 7..

but, i thinked we got d wrong info..

haha..we waited there from 6.45pm till 7.15pm..

it was still loading with passengers..

we were so unfortunate..

we could not watch it fly..

we did not get a chance to wave goodbye to all the 'jemaah haji'..

mom was quite sad..

me too..

we could not wait longer as it was 'Maghrib' time..

then i said to mummy,

lets try for d next evening..

we should get there after Maghrib prayer..

so that we could watch it fly away...

d next evening,

we went there quite late,

almost 8.15pm..

nobody waited at d fences anymore..

d huge Bird already departed..

i felt so sorry for mama..

everytime she saw that huge aeroplane,

she will tell me bout her memory of Hajj..

i know, deep down in her heart, she would like to be tetamu ALLAH S.W.T. again..

it is not that she doesnt has d money but it will be used to her children..

she said ''it is okey, i already perform Hajj once''.

we got d same feeling,

mama n i..

sebak,sayu..

we would like to be there again..

being tetamu ALLAH S.W.T..

visit HIS house..

perform Umrah n Hajj..

YA ALLAH, moga doa kami d perkenankan..amin..

Being 21 =) =((

salam =)

Alhamdulillah..setelah berzaman, bru detik ini aku kembali 'menulis'..hahaha kononnye..

well, byk nk cite byk nk share..

Peringatan, blog ni berkisar psl hdup aku, my thoughts, ap2 yg ak lihat melalui lensa aku sendri, ap yg aku rse, ak punya pandangan..

isi pentingnye blog ni berkisar ttg ap yang aku nk luahkan!!!

jd, klu sape2 bce ad rse nk komen, feel free to do that..

hehehe..

umo dh 21 lbh, bp bulan je lg dh nk menginjak ke 22..

aku rse tahun 2010 ni sgt byk la perkara2 yg trjd..

ada yg best ad yg sedih..

tp byk yg xbest la..

umo 21 ni jgk,

byk fasa yg aku lalui..

aku jd weird, aku jd xtntu arah, aku nanar, aku aneh..

umo 21 ni jgk,

aku melalui fasa yg agak lain..

Alhamdulillah..ALLAH S.W.T. bg petunjuk pd aku..

i'm changing for good to be a better person..

InsyaALLAH..

everything happen under HIS will..

tlg doakan aku untuk terus 'kuat' berhijrah mnjadi org yg baik..

dan umo 21 ni jgk,

aku melalui fasa yg aneh..

naluri keibuaan sgt membuak2..

aneh aneh aneh..

bknye ak xpnh jge bby sblum ni..

tp this time sgt berbeza rsenye..

ak jd terlebih sensitif..

aku x nafikan,

bg sape2 yg xkenal aku, msti ingat ak dh kawin n dah ade anak2..

pertama sbb muka ak xmcm umo 21..

kedua,org salu tgk ak dukung si kecik ke mana2..

tp org xpnh tgk ak jln dgn suami..

haha..sbbnye ak lum nikah n kawin lg..

ak pnh di kata 'coverline' sbb xngaku si kecik tu anak aku..

adoyai, deep down in my heart, aku teringin sgt si cerdik pandai tu jd anak aku..

tp hakikatnye tidak!!!

ouch it hurts okeyh!!!

being with him,

raise him,

take a good care of him,

owh..how i wish i'm his mother..

but I'M NOT!!!

HE IS NOT MINE!!!

i really want to have a baby..

my own child..

tp jdoh ku belum sampai,ntah sesat kt mne xtau..

xjumpe map lg la tu..

i wish i could be a mum before i'm leaving this world..

i should say,being a mum is d greatest thing ever happened to a woman..

bg aku la..

org laen aku xtau la cmne..

mcm mne degil n nakal pn si kecik ni,

hati aku ttp akan sejuk ble tgk die senyum n tdo dgn lenanye..

lately, haziq mkin nakal..

mkin xdengar ckp..

aku mrh die,

then he cries..

pastu aku pjuk blik..

xsampai hati..

see, hati pmpn sgt lembut..

kdg2 ak pn xske berhati lembut ni..

tp take it as anugerah..

aku syg sume anak2 sedara aku..

mcm irsyad,ank sdara sulong..umo dh 14..

ak jge dr kecik..

skrg dh tnggi lmpai..lg tnggi dr aku..

dlu baby skrg dh jd ank teruna..

dh mkin ganteng..

hihih..(nti blh pura2 jd bf sulah yer)

ok2..

cite psl2 anak2 sdara laen entry plak..

ni nk cite psl aku dlu..

year of 2010,

by april ak tlh hbs industrial training for dip in culinary arts..

end of april,ade final exam..

then dh hbs dip..

dh tamat dip..

this nov akn grad..

which i'm not going because of my parents' health..

may till now..

ak duk umh..

ad plan nk kje..

but abah xbg..

mak plak kte,duk umh..kje kt umh ni byk..

jd mmg byk la tugas ak kt umh ni..

yg plg utama HAZIQ!!!

si cerdik pandai itu..

aku jd pengasuh haziq..

sbelum ramadhan kerap juga die kne admit..

ad la 3kali ak pg jge die dlm ward sbb umi die kne pg skolah jgk,cuti dh hbs!!!

byk pengalaman ak dpt..

will share bout tht later on..

aku juga semacam maid..

cook,do the dishes,laundry,housekeeper,security..

n a driver too..

aku juga jd 'nurse' kpd kedua2 org tua ku yg tercinta itu..

dsebabkn org laen xde kt umh oren ni..

tnggal aku, mak n abah je..

jd ape2 xkena, ak kena tgk2 kn la..

mak salu jgk xsht..

almost evrynite kne massage her feets..

aku juga ad penyakit bgtu..

my body is so weak,salu sgt sakit2 bdn..

tp ak diam je,ksian nk suh mak urut..

ini masa utk berbakti..

hidup utk memberi..

itu lebih manis..

aku sgt kasihankn mak..

sesi massaging tu,mak ak berbual2 dgn ak..

tp salunye ak jd pendengar aje..

childhood,adulthood,parenthood,grannyhood..

sume mak cite..

buka hikayat..

hehe..

aku byk mndengar..

it is better like that..

walaupn cite yg dh berulang kali dgr..

tp dia kn ibuku..

klu aku xdgr sape lg nk dengar..

aku masih lg pendengar yg setia..

abah..

abah pula lain ragamnye..

aku bertanggungjwb utk iron bju n sluar abah..

panggang ikan utk abah..

pastikan low fat milk utk abah ade..

n baru2 ni abah perlukan aku utk membuang duri pokok bunga dlm jarinye..

hehe..hati aku gembira bukan kepalang..

aku dpt peluang utk jd nurse abah..

hehe..

as a reward, abah bg bunga rampai yg die dpt mse pg solat hajat..

ak sgt seronok..

aku sgt pentingkn sentimental value..

aku msih simpan lg duit RM1 (g versi lame) yg abah bg..

abah jgk ske reward aku dgn egg tarts Sweeden..

sbnrnye egg tarts kt situ ak xbp ske sbb die pnye sugar pastry agak tebal n keras..

ak lg ske yg bli kt psr2..

tp xsmpai hati nk ckp kt abah..

sbb abah salu beriya2 rewardkn egg tarts utk aku..

aku ttp mkn smpai hbs..

heheh..

mmg la aku sedih sbb xsambung blaja or kje mcm org laen..

tp ble pkir2, i have to do this..

they r my parents..

ble lg nak berbakti pd dorg..

semenjak dua menjak ni, ak rse mcm mati tu dh dkt sgt je dgn aku..

aku takut..huhuh..

seriously aku takut..

dlm kubur sorg2..

kne azab..

Nauzubillah..

jd mse2 yg berbaki ni la utk berkhidmat pd mereka n tambah amalan..

kne taat pd ALLAH S.W.T..

iyer, aku sedang 'berjuang'..

utk berubah..

ak pnh jd sgt 'jahat'..

THANK YOU ALLAH FOR OPENING MY EYES =)

allow me to change for good..

ALHAMDULILLAH..

ketenangan semakin mndekati..

utk 'dia'..

iyer, cinta itu kurniaan Ilahi..

aku take it as a test from HIM..

iyer, aku sgt sygkn dia..

i nver felt that way to other guy..

ak xpnh lupa berdoa,

if dia bkn utkku, hapusknlah perasaan syg ini..

tp doaku blum dmakbulkn..

jd aku take this as ujian dr ALLAH S.W.T..

kpd jodoh ku plak..

aku xtau sape akn jd suami aku nti..

(if pnjang umo)..

pls accept me sincerely for who i am..

u can change me,tp kne ade caranya..

i might not love u,but i will try to love u with all my heart once u be a husband of mine..

cinta xsemestinya memiliki rite..

marriage is not only bout love..

it is more to responsibility..

utk sempurnakan separuh dr agama..

nikah itu ibadah..

masa depan,

lets pray for d best..

people all around me pls help n guide me going through this phase of life..

it is d hardest..

from hitz.fm to ikim.fm..

i still listen to both..

tp skrg ak lebih tenang dgr nasheed..

utk kwn2,

aku still nur fadzilah yg dlu..

it is just my soul has change...

lets end this with,

CHANGE FOR GOOD AIN'T A CRIME~~~HLOVATE

PANDANGLAH KEHIDUPAN DENGAN HATI YANG BERSIH~~~ IKIM.FM

insyaALLAH we will find our way =)

khas utk abah

entry ni dh lme sgt nk garap..

tp asyik pending je..

nk kne ade mood bru blh nk tlis...

ilhamnye sedari father's day lg..

mse tgh drive..

blik dr amik haziq n uminye br discharged dr wad..

ketika sdg mndgr klasik nasional..

ruangan ADILA (aku dia dan lagu)..

n it was about a father smpena father's day..

sgt touching..

i tried not to burst into tears..

did nt wnt mak, kak long n haziq look wth such a weird expression..

the caller was a woman..

she dedicated songs to her father..

DI MANAKAN KU CARI GANTI, BEKORBAN APA SAJA N AYAH DAN IBU by sudirman..

lagu2 yg salu bt aku menelan tangis..

bp hari lps br hbs bce THE LAST SONG by nicholas sparks..

lg terasa nk tlis entry ni khas bt abah..

ok, mau mula sudah..

Dear abah,

i love you so much..

iyer, sy syg sgt dkt abah..

tp xleh nk ckp face to face..

malu segan..

hehehe..

mau cerita memori sy dgn abah..

ap yg sy ingt,

when i was a young girl, five or six mybe..

evrytime abah dpt gaji, msti abah akn bwk sy ke THE STORE trgganu..

n dukung sy (dh umo 5 6 taun pn abah dkung lg) heheheh..

pg ke situ semata2 utk bli AISKRIM JAGUNG WALLS n cone of course..

jd abah la yg mengajar sy mkn aiskrim..

n sy sgt addict dgn aiskrim jagung walls...

tp knp skrg walls dh x produce aiskrim jagung???

sdih sgt...

ap lg yer memori mse kcil...

owh yer, sy ingt lg..

mse kcik abg n kakak2 sy xske sy..

dorg salu buli sy..

then sy msti mngadu pd abah..

dorg pn kne marah..

yea yea yea..

abah hero sy..

jd dorg pn xske la dgn sy..

mcm gtu la..

rsenye tu je yg sy ingt mse zmn knk2..

skrg mau cite persamaan sy dgn abah..

muka sy x de iras abah..

rmbut ikut mak..

mungkin mata sy yg agk sepet n mcm bengkak ni yg ikut abah..

tp sifat n perangai sy byk ikut abah..

-sy ske bce nvel sme mcm abah jgk

-sy ske membebel, mcm abah jgk

-sy sgt fussy, jst like abah

-we are perfectionist in our own way

-abah ske brg berkualiti jst like me

-we dnt talk much bt whn we tlk it might hurt people around us

-kami ske puding laici

-kami ske kelisa biru

-kami salu berjalan laju

-kami ske merancang perjlnn

-kami ske kemas sndri brg kami

-kami xske org lain ubah kedudukn brg2 kami

-we love blue

-kami ske bsuh sndri bju kami

myb ade lg,tp xterlintas kt pkiran nih..

abah sgt syg mak..

tiap kli pg mne2 abah nver fail utk bli mak pnye fav food..

aym goreng kesukaan,goreng pisang kesukaan,rojak memun,rendang ayam or keropok lekor seberang takir..

kalau mak sakit abah akn sgt ssh hati n muram..

sy dgn abah..

we dnt talk much to each other..

but i think abah can read me..

he knows me more than mak does..

kami salu ke psr brsama..

ke bndr bersama..

skrg..

abah sdh tua..

sdh smkin kurang tenaga..

jd klu ke bndr msti sy menemani...

abah dh kurang alert mse drive..

salu jgk sruh sy drive..

owh..

SY SGT SYG ABAH...

klu blh dh xnk tnggalkn abah..

sy xtau byk mne lg mse yg ade..

sy atau die dlu yg akn pergi..

tp bile pkir mak..

hurmm..

sy slalu xsehaluan dgn mak..

xsependapat..

sehingga skrg sy rse mak msh 'xkenal' ank die yg sorg nih..

msih xtau ap kesukaan ap yg sy xske..

membuatkn sy xbetah d rumah..

tp sy xsmpai hati mau tnggal abah..

nti spe mau drive utk abah..

kak long mmg la ade..

tp die dh ckup sbuk dgn skolah dan ank2..

abah n mak pn yg sentiasa jge ank2 kak long..

sy dlm dilema..

iktkn hati sy dh xmau smbung belajar..

ckupla setakat itu..

dgn mslh kewangan..

pkir abah n mak..

sy xmau menambah hutang..

dan sebolehnya xmau membebankn abah mak lg..

kalaulah boleh..

iyer,kalaulah ade yg sudi..

mau aje sy kawin..

knp yer ble sy bgtau mau kawin, org akn ckp sy gatal???

jd kalu org kawin tu mknenye org tu gatal lah???

begitu kah??

knp sy nk kawin???

sy sgt takut mak abah tnggalkn sy keseorangan,tnpa tempat bergantung..

iyer,mmg org akn ckp,kamu kn rmai kakak n abg..

tp skrg sdh terasa bahangnyer..

ble kawin sume sdh pnye kehidupn msing2...

kami sdh 'jauh'..

sy sgt sdih...iyer,selalu 'ditinggalkn'..

ble mereka pulang bwk ank2..

sy sdh rse xslesa..

mereka bkn org yg sme lg..

ank2 smestinya d dahulukn..

sy rse terasing..

jd sy ingin berkahwin awal..

tp xde yg sudi lg..

sy mau ank2 sy merasa kasih syg tok abah n opah..

sy mau jge mak abah jge sy mse dlm pantang..

iyer,sy tkt xsempat..

rse sgt sdih..

sy tkt mereka tnggalkn sy keseorangan..

jd sy perlukn suami..

utk lindungi sy..

berkongsi suka duka..

jd my crying shoulder..

jd sy pnye tmpt bergantung..

tp itu la...

org2 sekeliling xfhm..

asyk ckp sy gatal aje..

kawin bkn sng..

tanggungjwb besar..

sy tau..

sy sedar hakikat itu..

sy msh dlm dilema..

mau smbung belajar atau x???

ble la jdoh mau smpai ini???

sy syg abah sgt2..

abah jgn tnggal sy lg yer..

nk abah mak main2 dgn ank2 sy jgk...

huhuhu..

sy xlpe berdoa pd ALLAH S.W.T. semoga dpanjangkn usia mereka..amin

cuba hayati T-T

Sudirman

Gerimis Di Lautan

Gerimis di lautan
Mendayung sampan ke kuala
Pada rang bulan pungguk merayu

Menangis kesiangan
Menanggung rindu pada si dia
Apakan daya orang tak mahu

Apalah guna ke bendang
Padi seberang takkan menjadi
Apalah kasihnya orang
Kasihnya orang orang tak sudi

Gerimis di lautan
Ku ubati lukaku sendiri
Namun parutnya terpandang jua

Oh biarlah ku sendiri
Oh tinggallah ku kan pergi
Oh biarlah
Oh tinggallah

lalu aku menangis lagi T-T